Be Still my soul, Be still

This song is simply a prayer for me, from me. It's the first time I'm listening to it and the simple words are exactly how I'm trying to word my prayers right now.

Be still, my soul, Be still... http://bit.ly/aoo4ub

Be still my soul be still

Be still my soul be still

wait patiently upon the Lord

be still my soul, be still

When the waves rise against me and the wind tries to draw me away

I will stand on the mountain, safe in Your arms

I will sing, I will sing

Raw with God

Ever experienced those times when its just you and God? You are completely alone with Him, no one knows that you are alone. Once you're with Him, its just coming raw before Him. Tears flow naturally, feelings out pour, emotions run wild, thoughts all over the place; yet it seems good.

I had such a time last night. I was watching a movie 'Caramel'- a Lebanese movie. I have been going through a rough patch and had been bottling up my feelings for sometime. A scene in the movie triggered it all, and I was just sobbing. The scene wasn't that emotional, to be honest, but to me, it was something that I have been praying about. Luckily it was towards the end of the movie; so I ended it, n just spent time alone, by myself. And man, was there a rush of tears. I couldn't hold it any longer. I kept asking God many questions, told him all my fears and hopes, kept reminding myself that I should be 'at rest' because all that has to be done is already done by God.

God then told me to read John 2. It was about the wedding at Cana. A familiar story, learnt it from Sunday School days. But the two things are struck out at me was that Jesus mentioned "His time hadn't come (vs 4)" and "he turned water into wine...only so that His glory was revealed (vs 11)". Jesus clearly said it wasn't His time...anyone would think either He didn't want to be bothered by it or that He wouldn't do anything simply 'cos it wasn't 'His time'. But nevertheless, He did a miracle just minutes or hours from the statement He made in verse 4. To me, those minutes or hours (I don't know how long it took for the servants to arrange for those water jars and stuff) were really important. Minutes, hours- they seem insignificant to a story like this, but to Jesus it was vital. Those minutes or hours would reveal His true glory and it did. Simple, no-frills water was turned to rich, sweet wine. The impossible was achieved.

I felt Jesus telling me that it's only a matter of time for Him and time is vital for His glory to be revealed. I have seen this in many previous instances in my life; its only through time that we all see how glorious He is, how powerful He is and more importantly, how loving He is.

After a good 30-45 minutes of tears and sobs, I fell into a deep slumber with Hope :)

What's last minute for the world is perfect minute for God!

Learn Italian atop a toilet seat!

Learning a language other than English has always been and will continue to be a feat for me. I have many instance where people have told me to not speak in my mother tongue simply because I murder it! But recently, I got a chance to learn Italian- I didn't have to go to Italy, or take up any language classes and to my knowledge and Facebook friends' list for backup, I do not have any Italian friends. How did I learn the tongue?

It all began with a lovely dinner at the Romano's Grills, an Italian dine-out in Bahrain. The ambiance had soft lights and one felt transported to an Italian cottage. Just before dinner arrived, I thought I'd visit the restroom (y'know, basic hand wash and stuff). The waitress gave me directions to reach the lavatory. I followed the instructions and reached the toilet doors. I got confused. 'Confused?', you ask! Let me explain: as I reached the toilets, on a natural impulse, I look for the female sign to designate the ladies' restroom. I was about to open the door when I saw the words "Signore" underneath the sign. I stopped in my tracks. I again glanced at the sign and these words. Then I looked at the adjacent men's(?) toilet. Same thing- a male sign with the words "Signora" underneath it.Hmmm.....!!

The next few minutes confused me even further. As soon as I entered the ladies' toilet, 2 voices could be heard- one male English voice, the other female Italian voice. As soon as I entered the room, the male voice said, "could you please direct me to the toilet?" to which the female voice translated it to Italian. Now it didn't strike me then that she was translating. When I heard these words, this is what I thought as soon as I opened the door, "oh shit...did I open the wrong door?... Is this the men's toilet or not?.... Is there some sensor here-- how did they know I'm looking for the toilet? n why are my thoughts being translated to Italian?" I felt a little embarrassed and quickly stepped out. I thought, "ok something's wrong..let's check the next toilet." I looked at the adjacent door (the one with the male sign but "signora" written under) and opened it. I saw, I realised, I closed..... yes, it was the men's room alright and my embarassment level increased 5 notches higher!!I was so thankful that it was empty-phew! I went back to the door that said "Signor"....it WAS the ladies' room!!! Confused,eh....yes, so was I. Thanks for stepping into my sandals.

Anyways, while I was in the restroom only did I realize that the voices were actually recorded and were translating English words and phrases to Italian equivalent. I laughed to myself at the possibility of learning Italian while you're relieving yourself!!! In the short duration that I spent in the loo, I got to learn how to say 'music','i love you' & 'where is the bus stop' in Italian. Another thing that 'impressed' me was that this recording can help muffle 'noises' (y'know..when you make 1 or 2 :P)-- helps keep the embarrassment in check.

Needless to say, after what happened (and take my word, the food was good), I can now confidently recommend Romano's Macaroni Grills-- good food, good ambience, good toilets with free language classes. Buon appetito!! :)

A few observations...

Education in the Arab world is not only appalling, but is extremely funny as well!! Working in an arab university has really helped me appreciate the education system in my home country, simply due to the proven fact of the quality of students that graduate.

The education system here has its own sense of humour, and trust me, it can leaving you wondering, "is it worth it?". I'm not generalising because there are a quite few commendable students whom I personally know of and I feel they are worth their degree certificate, but the rest....Big Sigh!!

First of, its funny when a prospective student calls up for admission and says, "I wanth arabeek, you no have arabeek??...walla hadim", when its clearly obvious to any literate person, that the university is English medium.

Then, they insist on doing their Bachelors/Masters even when their command of English is deplorable.

Next is when they actually get accepted into the university (!!). They demand for teachers of their own choice. If not, they submit in their complaints. They demand for easy exams and better marks. If not, they ask for that particular teacher to be removed. I have seen their exam papers.3 words: "oh my goodness".

What really boggles is my mind is that there are students who are so very talented, yet I feel that either they do not know how to use their talents constructively or that they feel they should exhibit their talents only if there is an incentive involved. I still remember my college days when we'd just wait for our college to host inter-collegiate culturals or for another rival college to hold theirs just to go over and prove our worth. Not only did it involve a hell lot of fun, but it also helped most of us get rid of our stage fears and realise our hidden talents. Moreover, wouldn't a CV look good when it shows that you are also involved in extra-curricular activites??!!!

well, anyways...it's kinda cool to see now that, there are some students who are ready and really want to make a change in this otherwise close-minded culture. These students want to make a difference, make other kids realise that college life is more than just the latest nail enamel color or fastest car!! College life is more than 'only' books and lectures. College life is, in my personal opinion, the golden years of one's life. If a kid wisely chooses the right friends' circle and knows how to juggle between books and fun, college life is awesome!!!! (i take a break here as I reminisce my college days-- wish i could turn back time!!! *sigh* )

hmmm..I really hope to see some changes in the uni I work...but most of all, I hope that the kids who want to make difference won't lose hope and see that in the long run, .....it's all worth it!! My best wishes to them...!

Mid 2009

After my last blog, I can still testify that God's amazingly sovereign and He simply knows how to control my life.

I signed off from my last blog with a blurry picture of the road ahead me. But Jesus was, is and always merciful. Why? well, exactly a week after I blogged, I was blessed with a job in a private university in Bahrain. And, beat this, the job description is pretty much what I always- Event Management & Marketing. Yes, I did go through the hassles of getting my visa- but heck, I knew that if God brought me to this job,then He will sort out all the nitty-gritties.

Work, well, is much more laid back when compared to the previous one where I had run around the country to get 'business'. I get more time to utilise my talents for His glory. But I'm always open to something that can challenge my senses and learn more.

Along the lines of getting closer to Him, He also showed me another person, another confidante- a person with whom I can be completely myself. Well, that's gonna be another blog altogether! But yes, my Jesus rocks!! WOOT!!

Hmmm…..Its been some time since I have sat down and written something. More than a year perhaps. 2008 has been quite a rollercoaster ride for me. I went through the highs and the lows with equal intensity and speed. But as I look back, I realize that I was never alone. He was always there to guide me, teach me, discipline me and most importantly, love me.

When I look back at 2008, there were instances about which I could have regularly blogged about, but I never did simply because I never felt like it. I can trace back to January 2008 where I pretty much went off track from Him.
But He still stayed and watched me as I went through the thorny roads.

I hurt and bruised myself especially when I clearly knew that I was traversing down the wrong path. I knew the tears were streaming down His cheeks, but I turned a blind eye to it. I could not bear to see Him like that, but I just wanted to ‘live for the moment’.

Had I continued down that the lane, I would have headed straight for danger. If it weren’t for Him to give me a conscience that was siren-clear, I would have kept on walking blindly. It was then that He intervened simply because I was out of His radar and it was His time to move in. By March, things took a drastic turn and within minutes, I was on my knees begging for forgiveness. And He did…He forgave me and loved me like always. I restrained from any wrong desire that came my way and He honored it, manifold times. I was blessed to do some stuff that I had always desired to do.

Soon it was mid-year. He still never left me. Even when I was all alone, literally (my folks went on vacation), He was with me. I was always scared of the dark. His presence helped me get over this childhood fear. He was not only with me, but He was also with my family. On their return, their stories were not all rosy. Some were bleak and scary. Yet in that darkness, He was there with them. He never left them even when they felt they were all alone. He was with us, always.

October-November-December…these months had their own surprises in store for me. But I never realized how 2009 would open up for me till I reached December 18th when I was asked to leave Bahrain. I knew it was time for something to happen. I entered 2009 hopeful yet uncertain as the ensuing days were going to be a test of my faith and personal strength. I took one of my first riskiest decisions in my life on 8th January 2009. As I pen this down, I have nothing as my back up. The road up ahead is blurry and uncertain. At times, I’m hopeful. At times, I’m hopeless.



I try to keep the lyrics in my mind- “ I have found myself a hiding place, I have found myself a secret space, In the presence of Almighty’s love, In the safety of the savior’s arms”. But then I again lose my footing and slip. The only shred of hope, a sliver so to speak, is just the true fact that He is there and He is carrying me through…

So 2009 here I come…

Is God partial to men??

Lately, I have been asking and contemplating over this question an umpteen number of times. Why am askin this question-well, simply 'cos I'm sick and tired of men doing whatever they want and walking away scot free.
I personally know of men who have been cheating on their wives or partners. The women are torn apart, hurt beyond repair and confused as to what to do with the relationship. But the men,on the other hand, don't give a damn and are living life exactly like how they want. Their consciences are hardened and they don't have any remorse towards their acts of infidelity. Instead they have the audacity to actually blame the woman for not satisfying their 'needs'. What do you expect the woman to be?? Show me a man who can sacrifice for his partner as much as his girl/woman can. There would not be such a man simply 'cos all men are born selfish and egoistic by nature.
I fully agree with Scriptures which instructs wives to be submissive to their husbands. But I wish guys would read the verses prior to the one about 'submission' in Ephesians and realise they have an equally important task at keeping a relationship strong.
When men cheat and walk away with no remorse, I always wonder, "GOD, HELLLOOO?? Didn't You just see that??Did You see him do that ??Are you gonna do something about it?God, why aren't You pricking his conscience?Why can't You make him realise he's hurting the poor woman who's loving him blindly and completely oblivious to his activities?Why God,why are You not doing something about it?Will You speak to his heart and convict him of his errors?"

My question still remains unanswered- Is God partial to men??