Hmmm…..Its been some time since I have sat down and written something. More than a year perhaps. 2008 has been quite a rollercoaster ride for me. I went through the highs and the lows with equal intensity and speed. But as I look back, I realize that I was never alone. He was always there to guide me, teach me, discipline me and most importantly, love me.

When I look back at 2008, there were instances about which I could have regularly blogged about, but I never did simply because I never felt like it. I can trace back to January 2008 where I pretty much went off track from Him.
But He still stayed and watched me as I went through the thorny roads.

I hurt and bruised myself especially when I clearly knew that I was traversing down the wrong path. I knew the tears were streaming down His cheeks, but I turned a blind eye to it. I could not bear to see Him like that, but I just wanted to ‘live for the moment’.

Had I continued down that the lane, I would have headed straight for danger. If it weren’t for Him to give me a conscience that was siren-clear, I would have kept on walking blindly. It was then that He intervened simply because I was out of His radar and it was His time to move in. By March, things took a drastic turn and within minutes, I was on my knees begging for forgiveness. And He did…He forgave me and loved me like always. I restrained from any wrong desire that came my way and He honored it, manifold times. I was blessed to do some stuff that I had always desired to do.

Soon it was mid-year. He still never left me. Even when I was all alone, literally (my folks went on vacation), He was with me. I was always scared of the dark. His presence helped me get over this childhood fear. He was not only with me, but He was also with my family. On their return, their stories were not all rosy. Some were bleak and scary. Yet in that darkness, He was there with them. He never left them even when they felt they were all alone. He was with us, always.

October-November-December…these months had their own surprises in store for me. But I never realized how 2009 would open up for me till I reached December 18th when I was asked to leave Bahrain. I knew it was time for something to happen. I entered 2009 hopeful yet uncertain as the ensuing days were going to be a test of my faith and personal strength. I took one of my first riskiest decisions in my life on 8th January 2009. As I pen this down, I have nothing as my back up. The road up ahead is blurry and uncertain. At times, I’m hopeful. At times, I’m hopeless.



I try to keep the lyrics in my mind- “ I have found myself a hiding place, I have found myself a secret space, In the presence of Almighty’s love, In the safety of the savior’s arms”. But then I again lose my footing and slip. The only shred of hope, a sliver so to speak, is just the true fact that He is there and He is carrying me through…

So 2009 here I come…

Is God partial to men??

Lately, I have been asking and contemplating over this question an umpteen number of times. Why am askin this question-well, simply 'cos I'm sick and tired of men doing whatever they want and walking away scot free.
I personally know of men who have been cheating on their wives or partners. The women are torn apart, hurt beyond repair and confused as to what to do with the relationship. But the men,on the other hand, don't give a damn and are living life exactly like how they want. Their consciences are hardened and they don't have any remorse towards their acts of infidelity. Instead they have the audacity to actually blame the woman for not satisfying their 'needs'. What do you expect the woman to be?? Show me a man who can sacrifice for his partner as much as his girl/woman can. There would not be such a man simply 'cos all men are born selfish and egoistic by nature.
I fully agree with Scriptures which instructs wives to be submissive to their husbands. But I wish guys would read the verses prior to the one about 'submission' in Ephesians and realise they have an equally important task at keeping a relationship strong.
When men cheat and walk away with no remorse, I always wonder, "GOD, HELLLOOO?? Didn't You just see that??Did You see him do that ??Are you gonna do something about it?God, why aren't You pricking his conscience?Why can't You make him realise he's hurting the poor woman who's loving him blindly and completely oblivious to his activities?Why God,why are You not doing something about it?Will You speak to his heart and convict him of his errors?"

My question still remains unanswered- Is God partial to men??

A small dream come true...

Everyone has undoubtedly a tiny dream or wish that still needs to be materialised. For a person who is not a pilot, he may still dream to sit in the pilot's seat n taxi an aeroplane down the runway. For a person who has never acted before, he may wish to one day be in the limelight. Evidently,such small tiny dreams do not escape God's loving eyes and He eventually bestows these imaginings to every mortal at some point in his/her life.For me, I'd always dreamt to be in a worship team and lead. God has lovingly allowed me the first part of my dream and I was the backup singer for Ashraya's worship team. The latter part of my desire was yet to materialise.

God decided to give me that chance on Friday,14th Sept.2007 where I was to lead a bunch of children aged from 10-17 yrs,in worship. My friend,who was organising the whole camp, asked me,a few days back, if I could lead the worship team. I blindly said yes! I was jittery and nervous on Friday morning when I woke up as I realised how tough it can be to lead a congregation however small or big it is. I have always looked up to many a worship leader with awe and inspiration,admiring the way they could lead the crowd into worshipping the Lord.

I prayed with all my heart that God lead me to say the right words at the right time. I simply love the way my Big Daddy speaks to me. He spoke to me through Jeremiah 1:4-10. Whatever the Lord spoke Jeremiah thousands of years ago, had perfect connection to what my prayer was that morning. The verses gave me such strength that I knew God would help me. The enemy (a stupid fool) tried deviating me in many ways ranging from a slight fever to a conked out watch to a small fight with a loved one. His last attempt at stopping me was through a Panadol tablet that almost choked me. Well,sad for him, nothing stopped me!

The camp went well. Needless to say, the kids were from a traditional church,yet God moved their hearts to respond to the worship songs,much to the disapproval of the orthodox teachers. The children responded well, but the hesitation was evident. Nevertheless, the need to worship and love God is very evident and we volunteers grabbed that opportunity. The kids enjoyed the games and other activites,and the sweltering heat did not melt out their excitement.

Looking back, I might not have achieved much.In fact, I might have achieved nothing considering my lack of qualification in leading a worship team where music chords are just a bunch of alphabets to me.But I thoroughly enjoyed the chance God bestowed upon me and I sincerely hope He will be gracious to give me another opportunity to serve Him through music! All glory to my God!!

Girl power!!!

Strolling down the memory lane of my Life prompted me to jot down these few words. For some inexplicable reason, I want to relive the golden chapters onf my life- My college days.

The first 16 years of my life saw me sharing books, playing games and competing for marks with both guys and girls. So, stepping into a world of ONLY girls had me thinking if I'd ever have fun. But my apprehensions belied the reality I encountered in my three years spent in Women's Christian College, Chennai. My school mates thought I was living a drab life without boys, as they were having a pretty decent time in their co-ed colleges. But little did they know about the crazy fun I had with my girls. Girls on their own, can go wild and we had a fantabulous time.



The 3 years I spent in WCC taught me so many things. I have learnt to be independent and think on my own two feet. When guys are involved in any thing, girls tend to depend on them to do every single thing, from answering the professor to organising any cultural event. But, in WCC, we girls learnt to do anything and everything from scratch. Give us raw materials, and we mastered the art of producing full blown culturals, Food fairs, College plays and the list can go on.



We girls, had our own fun. We enjoyed our hostel days of pulling each other's leg, calling out to our friends to come for lunch or dinner, bunk classes in the name of 'going to the loo' and then sneak into our dorms for a quick nap, dressing up for any festival or event or even a weekend day out, running into hostel just seconds away from curfew time, groaning and moaning over 'barely' edible hostel food, having a once-in-a-while night out, looking forward to Special dinners, pleading with the Co-ordinator and Warden for permission to attend the next-door-boys'-college culturals or some concert held, stealing each other's toiletries in the common bathrooms, heaving heavy buckets of water when there were water shortages, planning every weekend, swatting mosquitoes, and last but not the least, having a wonderful fellowship in our college chapel...basically,having fun!

I would do anything to turn back time and relive all these happy-go-lucky days. I'm thankful to God that He blessed with a really good college and wonderful friends that these memories will always remain as fresh and beautiful as ever.

My Life's New chapter

12th June 2007 opened another new chapter in my life- My first job. Where? In India's largest private bank, ICICI Bank (Hum Hain Na)!! After an enjoyable period of 37 days in Amchi Mumbai which primarily comprised of me lazing around in the mediocre hotel rooms and staff quarters offered, going on sightseeing trips with college mates, getting squashed in the ladies compartment of the local trains (strong evidence in the form of a previous blog), shopping till I dropped in Linking Road and Hill Road and at but last not the least, waiting for my visa to Bahrain, I found myself in a totally new world!

With all the advices and articles of 'how work life's gonna be' from my close friends, seniors and of course, my family, I reported for work on 22nd July 2007. I guess my mental preparation was not sufficient enough as I did not realise what I really gotten myself into. If you ask me what my profile is, it sounds really hep, atleast to me! But one thing's for sure, like they say, "In your first year of work, get yours hands dirty", well, my fingers are guaranteed to get greasy and grimy, my back's gonna for a toss and my legs are gonna give way to the floor.

I would not say my job is all peaches and cream. The presure is killing and targets are, I feel, are beyond my reach. Im trying to figure out my selling skills, and still wonder how the others do it. I have noted it all down: their tone, their style of putting the product concept across, their body language; yet, it just does not happen with me! Why oh why!

I'm in my second month now, and all I think of before going to sleep is "DEALS, I WANT DEALS". My worst fear is now coming alive - I always vowed not to be a worrywart and let the tensions of work destroy me. Unfortunately, that is exactly what is happening now. I look around and find my friends enjoying their careers. I do not feel the same and I don't want to lie in this regard. Its funny to note that the only thing I now thoroughly enjoy is SLEEP. Gone are those days when I longed to frolic around. My bed, my pillow and my blankie beckons me at every point in the day an they turn out to be my best companions.

I don't know how long this phase will last, but I do hope this storm will pass soon and that I sail with confidence across my Life's everchanging tides.

Infamously Famous!!!

What an easy streak of being famous by doing simply nothing, but just by being myself??? heehee...It was all very funny,it still is.

A bunch of us went to watch the new release with India's fav hearthrob, SRK and his new assignment of training 16 girls from every end of our Bharat Mahan to play for the Hockey World Cup. Like all Bollywood sizzlers, the team eventually won, but the way they won is worth the watch.

But that's not what I'm getting at. Apparently, there is a girl in the movie who pretty much comes close to being my clone (of course, I feel I look better than her!!). She first enters the silver screen to register herself for the team. The moment I saw her, I was like,"uh oh, is that me???nah...". Much to my embarassment, my friends had a gala time screaming out my name and pointing to the wide screen. Throughout the movie, my name would be called out whenver the girl came up. I felt half ridiculous and half funny! I had to endure my friends' jokes for the rest of the movie.

Now my mother expresses her deepest desire to watch the movie only to see her daugter's clone. I even have clients telling me that I might have been separated at birth or if I really did act the movie. How do I respond?? As usual, laugh out loud and continue laughing. But I would be lying if I said that I do not appreciate this new found, short lived popularity. It's fun!

Surrender

This song by Barlow Girl reflects exactly the conversation I am currently having with Big Daddy.The words are in line with how my prayers are right now:

"Surrender"

My hands hold safely to my dreams
Clutching tightly not one has fallen
So many years I've shaped each one
Reflecting my heart showing who I am
Now you're asking me to show
What I'm holding oh so tightly
Can't open my hands can't let go
Does it matter?
Should I show you?
Can't you let me go?

Surrender, surrender you whisper gently
You say I will be free
I know but can't you see?
My dreams are me.
My dreams are me

You say you have a plan for me
And that you want the best for my life
Told me the world had yet to see
What you can do with one
That's committed to Your calling
I know of course what I should do
That I can't hold these dreams forever
If I give them now to You
Will You take them away forever?Or can I dream again?