Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Shock

She wants to cry
but tears refuse to fall
She wants to scream
but her throat stays numb
She wants to run away
but her legs are riveted to one spot
She wants to reach out
but her hands remain by her side

Nothing happens
She only stands
Stiff
Numb
Horrified
Hurt
Shocked

He leaves
Not a glance behind his shoulder
He doesnt see the lone tear
making its path down her cheek
He doesnt hear her heartbeat
pounding loud enough to crack glass
He walks away
on his own path
his own road
which was once theirs

Nothing happens
She only stands
Stiff
Numb
Horrified
Hurt
Shocked

It burns..

Love..its sweet when u first taste it.. Johnny Cash aptly put in..falling in love is like jumping into a ring of fire. I jumped alrite. It is warm and comforting. But things went wrong. And when they do, you get thrown out of the furnace and I was pretty much thrown out from it and man, am I burnt quite a bit.

It hurts, bloody hurts...im still hurting from all d burn wounds...i dunno wen n who will tend to these wounds with some cooling balms of true love...True love??well, that's going to be another topic to talk abt..

Johnny Cash lyrics : Song of Fire

And it makes a fiery ring
Bound by wild desire
I fell in to a ring of fire...

I fell in to a burning ring of fire
I went down,down,down
And the flames went higher.
And it burns,burns,burns
The ring of fire
The ring of fire.

The taste of love is sweet
When hearts like our's meet
I fell for you like a child
Oh, but the fire went wild..

I fell in to a burning ring of fire.....etc

Sunday, May 6, 2007

Eternal love

Often I have heard people say, "How good God is! We prayed that it would not rain for our church picnic, and look at the lovely weather!'" Yes, God is good when He sends good weather. But God was also good when He allowed my sister, Betsie, to starve to death before my eyes in a German concentration camp. I remember one occasion when I was very discouraged there. Everything around us was dark, and there was darkness in my heart. I remember telling Betsie that I thought God had forgotten us. "No, Corrie," said Betsie, "He has not forgotten us. Remember His Word: 'For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His steadfast love toward those who fear Him.'" Corrie concludes, "There is an ocean of God's love available--there is plenty for everyone. May God grant you never to doubt that victorious love--whatever the circumstances." - Corrie Ten Boom.

Saturday, May 5, 2007

There is a god who lives (part 2)

Now that we got our belongings, what happens next?? Aunty called out asking if any windows could be opened. How? The left hand side windows were below our feet and the windows on the right side were over our heads and jammed shut. I guess its by pure instinct that we started climbing over the fallen berths. Clinging onto my luggage and holding onto the bed sheet to keep me from suffocating, I slowly tried to crawl my way out. It was difficult maintaining my balance, considering the fact that both my hands were occupied. Seeing this, aunty hurriedly instructed me to throw away the bed sheet. I thought “if I do that, how am I gonna breathe through this smoke and dust? God if u really want me out of this alive, help me breathe.”

What seemed an eternity of crawling and climbing over seats, feeling fans in iron wrought encasings and groping around in the dim light, we were guided by this deep, baritoned voice that was full of confidence. All I remember was a bright torch light and this deep voice that kept encouraging the passengers “its ok, u all are all right, just be calm and climb out”. I’ll never know, to this day, who that man was.

I next realize a hole a few metres away from where I was. I could see lights flashing in. For a minute I thought it was some TV station that got to the accident scene and the humour in me quipped up, “look good,Bless…give a nice grimace…you might be on TV.” Well, so much for my silly fanstasy in the midst of the commotion. The lights came from the torches of the rescue teams and police. I was about to crawl out of this hole torn into the vestibule when a man stopped me. He had a huge plank in his hand and was trying to lift it up. He wanted to create a makeshift bridge for people to slide across to the hole and get outside. I was delirious and said something about my luggage. The man instructed me to throw it out and that someone would keep it safe. So I hurled my box out blindly. On my knees, I bent down to take the other side of the plank and lifted it. What was written on the plank shocked me. It bore the words “BATHROOM”. Yes, it turned out to be the door and the impact of the train tore it off its hinges. With the plank up as a makeshift bridge, and a small graze on m little finger, I slid across to the opening in the vestibule and breathed in fresh air. My luggage was handed back to me and I waited for shobana aunty to get out safe. Its only when we got out that we realized what happened. 5 of the train’s compartments had derailed, and the compartment that I was in, toppled. The pantry had caught fire which explains all the smoke. People were calling out to each other and there were tears of happiness to see each other safe. But my friends were in other compartments and they still did not know if aunty n I were alive. I was not reachable, as I’d lost my phone.

Aunty and I waited for sometime when suddenly a man called out our names. We hollered back and he said in tamil that there was a family looking for us. We knew it was Ajai and his family. He took us to the other side of the train. We couldn’t find them at all. We asked the man to look for them again. I borrowed a phone from a stranger. Luckily aunty had her phone book in her bag. I called up Jessy aunty, Ajai’s mom. Hearing my voice over the phone, she went hysterical and she could not speak. I talked to Riba, one of Ajai’s cousins and she told us how we could get to where they were waiting.

Carrying both mine and aunty’s luggages (she wasn’t feeling well) and balancing myself on the huge stones that line the train tracks, we inched our way forward. We met up with Ajai’s family. Hugs, tears and smiles of joy were exchanged. That was when I heard Ajai’s side of the story. He apparently got out of the train as soon as it stopped. When he saw my compartment toppled onto its side and smoke billowing everywhere, all he could picture was my burnt charred body. He ran back to his family in the other compartment, hysterical and delirious in shock. He and his family moved to a safer spot outside the train. Ajai went back to the accident area. Apparently there were some jawans and he enquired about aunty and me. The jawan instructed groups of people to call out my name, each group returning with the answer, “there is no such person here”. Almost losing heart, Ajai suddenly got a call from his cousin that I was indeed alive.

Thinking we’d never travel by train again, we found ourselves hopping from two trains to get back to Chennai. On our way back, we had to pass by the accident site again. By then it was daylight and we could see the entire thing. The train stopped for surviving passengers and I took it as an opportunity to take pictures from my camera.

We reached Chennai at 12.30pm, 6 hours delayed from our original arrival time. The impact of the accident hit me only when I saw the accident on the local TV news. That was when I broke down and realized that THERE IS A GOD WHO LIVES AND LOVES.!!

There is a God who lives (part 1)

I would not call my life as a bed of roses, but it has been a life of comfort and happiness. I have had a normal childhood and I am blessed with loving parents and 2 amazing siblings. I’m not complaining, but I’ve always wanted a jaw-dropping, awe-striking story to tell. At least, such an event would create the ‘adventure’ part of my otherwise typically normal life story.

It all happened on 28 January 2007. We were traveling back to Chennai after attending one of my closest friends, Nisha’s wedding in Coimbatore. We were on the Cheran express that night. Shobana aunty n I were in S7, while Ajai and his family were in S6. Two of Nisha’s friends were in the same compartment as I was in too. In normal circumstances, trains do travel at high speeds during the nights and this train was no exception (for the time being). By around 3am, I woke up to loud sounds and extremely strong tremors. Before going to sleep, I’d hung my specs on the collar of my t-shirt. Waking up to these horrible sounds, I involuntarily yet quickly reached for my specs. I could make out bright red streaks of lights flashing past us. The train was moving at such a high speed, yet it felt like I was in the middle of an earthquake. People started waking up and calling out to God in their native tongues. I was scared and all I could utter was ‘oh God,oh God…’.

Within minutes, the compartment started tilting onto its left. In my mind’s eye, I thought we were falling off a bridge. Being a person who cannot stand pain in the slightest form, I prayed, “Lord, if this is my end, please finish it soon cos I want it quick and painless!!”
I was in the middle berth and Shobana aunty was in the lower one. As the compartment titled, I clung onto the berth straps and held on for dear life. Like they say, as you near death, your life’s memories flash past your eyes. To me it was a blurred worn out film roll. My mind conjured up only 5 names- my parents, my brother, my sister and Ajai. I really thought this was my end and this was how I would die – in a train crash.

Belying my thoughts, the boogie fell onto its left side and everything came to a standstill. The lights were cut off and there was smoke and dust everywhere. Men, women and children were crying out for help. I crawled down from my berth and felt jagged rocks and stones under my sock-covered feet. I could make out faint lights flashing around the place and I realized people were using their cell phones to find their way out. I searched for mine in my pocket where I’d kept before sleeping. It wasn’t there. I lost my cell phone. I called out to Shobana aunty. Groping around in the dark, we found each other. It was chaos all around. Yet in the midst of it all, aunty n I prayed and thanked God for this experience and for saving our lives.
We sat on the now upside down turned berths. The dust and smoke was increasing and being a slightly asthmatic person, I found it extremely hard to breathe. I held my bed sheet I had with me to my nose and breathed as much as possible. But my chest was constricting by the minute. Aunty asked for someone to show her a little of the cell phone from a stranger and she found her suitcase. I wondered that if she could do it, why couldn’t I. So I groped around and lo, behold, I felt the handle of my trolley bag. Aunty repeated the same stunt and found her slippers, the exact pair. I followed suit and by God’s grace, found my Reebok floaters.

starter

this is my first go at creating a blog. like the title suggests, the blogs will be a minute preview of the 'cornucopia of my mind's ramblings'. some might catch an interest and some mundane. I dont care. it's just another extension of me. enjoy